This just in, the Vatican said it is okay to believe in aliens and that it's not a contradiction with believing in god.

"The Rev. Jose Gabriel Funes, the Jesuit director of the Vatican Observatory, says that the vastness of the universe means it is possible there could be other forms of life outside Earth, even intelligent ones.

In an interview published Tuesday by Vatican newspaper L'Osservatore Romano, Funes says that such a notion "doesn't contradict our faith" because aliens would still be God's creatures.

The interview was headlined "The extraterrestrial is my brother." Funes said that ruling out the existence of aliens would be like "putting limits" on God's creative freedom."

Phew. Seriously, who would want to put limits on his creative freedom. Let him play with our lives with all of the cheat codes on.

So to recap:

Vatican okays: Molestation, Aliens, and the purchase of Palm.

Things they hate: Gays, Condoms, Taxes and Reason.

Since I am fortunate enough to have a Social Security number ending in 00, I will be getting the first round of the stimulus package money.

Six hundred bucks of fun money from Uncle Sam...via China.

When I did a google image search of "six hundred dollars" this is what came up...









Gadgets, dogs, muslim dignataries and delicious burritos. Lot's of options. But the responsible part of me is saying to either save it or throw it towards some credit card debt.

I'm hearing conflicting advice...President Bush says to buy gas with the money or go on a trip....President Clinton says to blow the money.

Essentially saving it would be stupid, bad for the country (aka repaying the chinese), now its just a matter of how I choose to blow the money. The country collectively is going to be expected to go out and splurge on some products to make them forget how shitty things are (although it isnt as bad as people are making it out to be; this coming from 4-dollars-a-gallon-land.)

I really want to maxamize the opportunity. It's not often you are handed six hundred bucks and expected to piss it all away...and fast.

Any suggestions?

(sorry for the moronic version of an economics discussion)

Hello, Kristen here. I haven't been posting on this thing lately, but I do have something to share. Amanda (i_am_tall) had suggested the movie Me and You and Everyone We Know, to us a while ago, but since she usually has such shitty taste (jk, but Elizabethtown? come on...) we kind of ignored her. Eventually, it came up in our netflix queue and we watched it.

This little kid, Brandon Ratcliff is genius. Here is a small dose of him in this movie. It is worth renting just for him! More clips on Youtube.

You can find a lot out about a person by how they order from Subway. It is really disturbing to see the level of douche-bags with inferiority complexes who need their sandwich fixes. Every so often someone will make me so mad that i have to restrain myself from kicking them in the mouth. It's hard to pinpoint these types, as they usually come in all different shapes and sizes: mid-level business type, housewife whose insides have dried up, hipsters with a "hair-do" or a chinese entrepreneur with a loose grasp of manners and the english language.

Today I had the mid-level business type who pulls up in his pre-owned Lexus thinking he is the bee's knees. Cockily waits in line, shaking his head and looking around as to say "Can you believe they are making me wait? I'm a manager at Macy's" When it's his turn to order, this piece of work orders in one unbroken sentence like this....

"subway-club-on-wheat-with-lettuce-onions-tomato-peppers-all-peppers-I-mean-all-peppers-cheese-american-and-pepperjack-at-least-6-slices-mayo-oil-honeymustard-more-mustard-salt-pepper-oregano-DONE!"

(The way he said "Done!" was like something out of Top Gun. Gung ho bullshit)

The poor mexican behind the counter stared at him dumbfounded and proceeded to make the sandwich and occasionally asked him "Did you want cheese?" to which he would snap...

"Yes! Didn't you hear me the first time!?" while pacing with his arms folded and shaking his head in disbelief like he was listening to some shitty Grateful Dead song in his stupid fucking moosed head.

He paid for his gourmet work of art and left, as I watched his dumbass try to look busy and drive off in his predictably lame car I wished real hard that he would get fired from his Mid-Level job because his boss sees a mustard stain on his shirt from the sandwich and thinks its unprofessional. I then wished that he would go home and cry into a J.Crew catalogue and order $3,000 dollars worth of pleated khakis, hang up the phone, turn on the T.V. see Barack Obama speak and mutter to himself "Yes We Can...Yes We Can..." as he dejectedly walks into his bedroom to hang himself with a $75 dollar belt his uncle got him as a present for his Bar Mitzvah.

Fucking stupid people. Just be nice to the person making your sandwich. Have some patience, it goes a long way to be courteous to people...even if they are mexican and aren't making your bread and lunchmeat mess fast enough.
-----------------------------------------

Also...



I was in Von's (which is a grocery store out here...about the same level as Acme) and I see a mexican guy, clearly an immigrant trying to act american and just missing the point...he was wearing a giant t-shirt with 2-Pac listening to an iPod....

First, 2-Pac died in 1996. About 5 years before the first iPod was invented.

Second, where can I buy such retarded t-shirts? Do they have one with Kurt Cobain chilling out with a MacBook surfing YouTube watching clips of himself? How about a Jimi Hendrix shirt of him drinking New Coke? A Bob Marley shirt with him jamming with Bono?

I really want a bootleg Simpsons t-shirt...like the kind you used to win on the board walk in the early 90's. Preferably a black Bart one.

Lately when Kristen stops watching "John and Kate Plus 8" and "The Biggest Loser" (American AND Australian Versions) for 10 minutes I like to indulge in two of the greatest shows. Anthony Bourdain's "NO RESERVATIONS" and that other one whose name I don't remember that has Andrew Zimmern eating goat face. Both really compelling shows (for an old man living in a boring person's body...) that has the hosts doing bold things and eating exotic foods in far away places. It occurred to me though that if I were in a far away land, such as Morocco, this is not how I would be handling myself. I would be looking for a McDonald's. It would be great to get out of the cramped, smelly town square with the strange people squawking at me in their Clingon sounding language, I would so gladly embrace that big shining turd of Americana we know as McDonalds. They're leaving a whole market untapped, a market of shit-head American close-minded tourists such as myself and others from this great country of ours.

My show would be called "John Eats McDonald's Around the World" and would basically consist of me touring other exotic countries (beyond Canada) and seeing what their McDonald's are like. For instance, What are the McDonald's like in India? Vegetarian fare? I'm guessing there is no quarter pounder with cheese. What do they have in Muslim countries? What fucked spin do the Japanese put on the Happy Meal? Do the Dutch put mayonnaise on french fries?

And to top it off, I would have a Local with me, not to inform me of the natural wonders of their countries...but for me to tell them my hazy recollection of completely wrong bits of half assed information I know about their home land. No fact checking...no research...just some shit I heard in 7th grade Geography. Perhaps some inadvertently offensive things.

My main reason for wanting to do this is because it's so fucking stupid it might just work. It would play into the hands of the "obnoxious american" world view while at the same time letting me experience a regurgitated view of America via McDonald's in a third world country.

Is there a new trend or something? Driving home today I noticed about 50+ cars with fucking wreaths tied to the front grill (and the occasional Menorah on top of a minivan). What the fuck? Do people think this is a good idea? At what point did this person walk into Target with their shitty wife (or husband), walk into the wreath aisle pick out a plastic circle of make-believe-dead-tree and say to themselves...

Moron: I'm going to fuckin' buy this

Spouse: We already have one, it's hanging on the front door.

Moron: No, for the car.

Spouse: For the car?

Moron: For the car.

And then that person had to go home, stand in the cold while they tied the monstrocity to their car. The next day they probably drove to work with dreams of random girls offering road-head because they had an awesome wreath on their car. (In those day dreams I'm going to assume they imagine themselves with more hair) Only to go home at night not realizing that the feeling of anger and shame kicking around in the back of their head has to do with the fact no one paid them any compliments (nor road-head) for their bold style choice. And when they are packing it up in a box in the garage come January 4th they will think to themselves..."next year"...

I don't mind the outward celebration of christmas...but...it needs to stop at house decorations, grandma sweaters with reindeer and insincere greeting cards. If the trend continues you will see and hear things like "Check out my christmas wreath contact lenses", christmas wreath condoms, wreath watches and on and on.

I'm home sick. So excuse me if this is all too stupid. I'm going to quit my job tomorrow. Merry Christmas.

Thursday night we saw a free screening of There Will Be Blood.

Afterwards there was a panel and q&a with PTA and DDL. Judd Apatow moderated, which was weird in and of itself, but on top of that, he kept referring to his peanut gallery of friends in the audience (composed of Bill Hader, Seth Rogan, Jonah Hill... yes these guys actually hang out in real life). John and I are fans of these dudes, but it definitely felt weird with Apatow taking away a bunch of the attention. Daniel Day Lewis looked like he hated Apatow. Or that's the vibe John was getting. I was just getting annoyed at stupid questions from the various audience members... "how do you act?", "how do you write?" what the fuck?

Philip Baker Hall was there as well. Throw in Leslie Mann (Apatow's wifey and actress) and I think that totals eight celebs in one event. Are they legitimate enough to brag about?

I didn't put any pictures in this post because I figured these people are relevant enough for most of our friends.

Well, we haven't posted in a very long time, but now we have an excuse. It's been Celeb-central in Hollywood lately, especially at the ArcLight theater.

We saw the following celebs at the ArcLight last Saturday when we saw "No Country For Old Men" (See it!):

Scott Caan


Kirsten Dunst


Jason Schwartzman


Dominic Monaghan


Then last night we were at the ArcLight again for a screening of "Walk Hard" and we saw Matt Groening!


On the Silverlake front, I saw Susan May Pratt (fans of the dance flick "Center Stage" may recall:


and in our very own building resides Josh Gomez, sidekick character Morgan (right) on NBC's "Chuck":


We'll keep you updated!

I have been given off for the last three days because my office place is so dead. So during the day I have been running little bullshit errands so I don't end up feeling pathetic.

After going to the mechanic to deal with Kristen's car, I walked over to the Vista to get us some Harry Potter tickets.

Kristen is a big fan. I'm what you call a shitty fan. I have seen like 3 of the 4 movies...and I think reverse order too...so I have a very basic grip on the storylines and the terminology. That being said. I do enjoy the films. Very enthralling stuff.

I get to the Vista and there is a modest line of Kids with their parents on a hot summer day. I'm kind of sweaty from my mile or so walk and I'm nursing a Dr. Pepper. Then I hear this nasally voice coming closer...the nasally voice a child could only have. Then there was this kids father's voice...sounding even more nasally and whining about wearing sunscreen and waiting in line.

What happened for the next half an hour was a master course in how to spoil a Harry Potter film. Loudly they proclaimed....he dies....this happens...I cried when so and so died....when this happens you can't see it coming!!....

Internally I wanted to kick and punch the little group of shits for ruining the whole movie for me. It was so obnoxious I thought it could'nt get any worse. Then the pansy father proclaims for his invalid son to go check the front of the line for "movement"

When this kid passed me...he was the proud owner of a shaved head with a BRAIDED RAT TAIL.

"Oh you shaolin-monk-movie-spoiling-motherfucker" I thought.

And as he got back in line he bumped into me without saying sorry or anything. At that point my blood was boiling. I was afraid to turn around and look at what other monstrocity stood behind me for fear of losing it as they proceeded to spoil the next book and feverishly discuss who is going to die in the final book*. (What is it with people wanting characters to die so bad? Do they read these things just to see characters die?)

Then the dad gets all huffy puffy and starts stomping his feet and he tells his kids he is going to check the front of the line. What I saw almost made me throw up in my mouth...

He was wearing a tie-died shirt with a dragon on it, wearing a fanny pack, sandals with socks...and to top off with a big turd...he was bald with a grey pathetic pony tail.

How I did not take the firehose off the wall and blast him down the street is a miracle to me and a true testament to my fear of being arrested.

Then he struts back and starts impressing the little wizard snobs by telling him that he was a professor at CSUN. Then suddenly it all made sense.

People like him, are the reason why colleges are the breeding ground of such wishful thinking stupidity. People are paying thousands of dollars so a guy in a dragon shirt** with a pony tail can "teach them"

After I bought my tickets, I stuck around to watch them happily bounce into the theatre and start throwing harry potter slang at one another. And thats when I kind of felt sorry for them. I no longer wished them instant death.

Just some skin cancer that was caused from standing in line today...that will go undetected for a couple of years...until the next Harry Potter movie...so I can meet them in line...all bald and dying. No pony tails. No smug banter. And as they weakly wheel out of the movie all satisfied...I'll be standing there with a firehose. Waiting to blast them into the gutter. Doing the gene pool a favor.

Tonight, though, as I sit through the movie, pretending to be surprised when "such and such" happens and "so and so" dies. I'll bee imagning their pony tails bobbing up and down as they laugh and eat popcorn.

What I wouldn't give to yank that shit off their scalps.





*The father kept talking about Alan Rickman, Alan Rickman, Alan Rickman...his hopes lie in this man so much. It was fairly obvious that he will go home tonight and have a dream about sitting nude on Alan Rickman's lap and running his ringers through his hair while weeping "Snape, I love you, Snape".

**the irony lays in the fact I went to a college with a Dragon as it's mascot.

I haven't written in a while...

John and I work at our jobs during the week, but on the weekends we do what every other Californian does - shop and eat PinkBerry!
Oh, and I also take pictures.

This is an iPod vending machine we came across in a Macy's. What the hell? It's like a $300 Snickers bar!



BTW, Nick and Praz will begin recording their next album this week when the two are reunited after more than three months on their own!

I'm fortunate enough to be able to walk to work every day. Especially in LA. In terms of money saved on gas it allows me to be that much more frivilous with stupid shit.

On the corner from our apartment, there is a store called Circus of Books. It's sort of like 7-11, if 7-11's main objective was to sell gay porn instead of the Big Bomb burritos.


It's a fun place to live near. You can see everything from old men with fanny packs and toupee's creepily strutting in, to guys with more eyebrow piercings than they have eyebrow. The one thing they all have in common is that black bag when they leave, full of fun.

Everyday when I walk to work, I'm usually too fucking tired and staring at the ground thinking of new ways I can get out of doing actual work and trying not to vomit from a forced breakfast. Then I start to see tattered pieces of gay porn on the sidewalk. Muscled out dudes "striking a pose", torn pieces of 800 numbers and the occasional baby diaper in a ziploc bag.*

That doesn't phase me really, it's the empty cases for sex toys on the sidewalks that gets me thinking. Today, I saw a package for a butt plug that read "For Advanced Users" torn to shreds like a fucking werewolf went to town on it.

Which made me wonder, some guy had to go into the store, do the "i got to pee" dance as the cashier rang up his deluxe butt plug, then run outside and instead of waiting until he gets home, start tearing open the package (I assume with his teeth)

I'm of the mindset, "to each his own" and all, but I cannot think of a valid reason why someone would be that anxious to use a butt plug on the street.

The only thing I can come up with, after much thought, is that if a Wizard cast a spell on your butt so that liquid shit would pour non stop until you flooded Los Angeles. Which would get me pretty motivated to go get a rubber object to shove up my ass.

But then again, I'd probably start blowing up like that girl Violet from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory and they'd have to cart me away. Oh man, how would I explain that to my bosses?

"Sorry I can't come in today, to make a long story short I blew up like a balloon and had to be rolled away because of this wizard and this thing with my ass..."

I hate Wizards.

(Sorry for wasting your time.)



*This also confuses me. Dear Woman who throws her baby's diapers on the street in a ziploc bag... After your husband is done beating you and your staring at your bruises in the mirror, when you get the smug look of satisfaction on your face and think "Well, at least I put my diapers in a ziploc bag before I threw it out the window".....Don't kid yourself. You're not considerate.

Well, seeing celebs is pretty much no big deal because they usually are crappy ones you see on "Best Week Ever" or something, which I basically think is the easiest job and I could do it too! So yesterday I was driving John and I to the grocery store (which is basically our favorite thing to do) and we saw John C Reilly pull over his car in Los Feliz on Hollywood Blvd and get out and go into Ozzy Dots(vintage clothing store)!
That is a cool celeb sighting! I started freaking out and pointing while I was driving! John's already met him before so to him it was NBD but he was a little excited too!
His hair was reddish looking and he was pretty skinny! It must be for the movie he is filming now (Walk Hard)!


!!!

The big brush fire is happening about 2 miles from our house. We can see it from our window. This is crazy. Here are some photos:










The last two I took with my cell phone on my way home from work earlier.

This is scary and sad! The Zoo had to be evacuated, but all the animals are still there. A lot of homes had to be evacuated, luckily we won't be (John says) because we don't live up in the hills, we are just southeast of all of this and surrounded by concrete (not brush and trees). Apparently, this is the worst fire in the area since 1961.

We need some rain.

John: This afternoon I noticed the sky go dark and then everything turned a muddy shade of orange, the billowing clowd of smoke was blocking out the sun. It was a sunny afternoon, yet for a few minutes it felt like an overcast day. Driving to an interview I was stopped at a light casually watching the flames jump off the mountain, I couldn't help thinking how surreal it was, yet everyone was just going about their daily business. It reminded me of the film L.A. Story by Steve Martin. Now the sounds of helicopters and sirens are persistent and the images on TV aren't nearly as strange as what we can see outside of our window.

So, in tradition of always going to see movies John wants to see (usually ones I wouldn't mind seeing, but aren't necessarily at the top of my list as we never see the ones on the top of my list!), tonight he took me to the ArcLight Theater to see "ZOO".



That's right, the Horse Fucker movie.


Many, if not all of you, are probably familar with the story about the guy who got fucked by a horse and then bled to death. Well, this is a docu-drama surrounding that event, and the sub-culture of people in the area who took part in this. It was really good, but weird! The director and one of the actors spoke and answered questions afterward. (People ask stupid questions. People also throw in, like, 5 questions when they're only allotted 1. I hate that.)
I would reccommend seeing this movie to anyone who can (very limited release). It's not super graphic or gross so you dont have to worry about vomiting in your popcorn...

the rumors are true. Praz, beloved and timeless half of Nick and Praz, has entered rehab. The news follows a run of delayed video shoots, missed recordings and promo gigs. Reps for Praz said she was battling a cold and contracted Nick's pink eye, but photos of Praz out in LA partying it up until 5 AM appeared on blogs early last week, promting people to question what was going on. Reps for Nick and Praz could not be reached at press time, but friend, Tara Reid insures US Weekly that Praz indeed checked into Promises in Malibu, and will be helping her ailing friend. Our prayers and thoughts go out to Praz, Nick, and their family and friends.

check back for more updates!




hip hop just died.

Kristen and I went to see Grindhouse opening night at the famous Vista Theatre on Sunset.

We counldn't have seen the movie in a more perfect setting.



A little background: This is an 80 year old theatre with an egyptian theme. Cheap and lots of leg room. Excellent sound system and a rowdy crowd.

We arrived to find the line around the block. Luckily we had pre-purchased the tickets. Lots of idiots with Starbucks talking to one another. Hipster crowd. You know.

To cut to the chase. The crowd was with this movie start to finish. Hooting and hollering at all the right points. (People were even going nuts for the new Spider-Man 3 trailer...) Normally this pisses me off to no end. But this movie is perfect for the vocal crowd. ( To my friends and colleagues in Philly and abroad...go see this movie with a mainly black audience at the Bridge in West Philly. You won't regret it. )

SPOILER ALERT
Planet Terror is a really excellent regurgitation of every shitty 80's sci-fi action movie you saw when you were a kid. It moves fast and is pretty fuckin' fun. People were screaming when the guy from lost fell on balls (i.e. testicles) and when Marley Shelton broke her hand in the car door. But I have to give him credit for three things:

1. Having a little kid (His own child mind you, in the role) shoot himself in the head.

2. Having a dog get run over.

3. Carpenter-esque synthesized music.

Josh Brolin was great as the sadistic doctor, Freddy Rodriguez of SIX FEET UNDER fame was really good in his role as El Wrey (He looked for his Jacket for two weeks). But. Seeing people like Michael Biehn and Jeff Fahey resurrected from the C movie dead was really cool to see. They held their own pretty well. Rose McGowan, whom I never particuarly liked, was pretty good as well...remember when she used to fuck Mairlyn Manson?

The fake trailers were pretty funny as well. My favorite being THANKSGIVING by Eli Roth. Probably the most demented of the bunch. Rob Zombie's thing fell a little flat to me.

Now to Tarantino's DEATH PROOF. Im no Tarantino apologist...I believe people underestimate the contribution of Roger Avary to PULP FICTION (He was the co-writer who was screwed out of a writing credit.) I thought KILL BILL was fun and everything but I'd rather have seen something more poignant...I still think JACKIE BROWN is his best work.

With DEATH PROOF though, i thought i was in for some more lighthearted shit in the vein of KILL BILL. Where as PLANET TERROR is a regurgitation of all 80's sci fi/action stuff...I have never seen anything like DEATH PROOF before...

Starts off a little slow with the dialogue and plainly laying his foot fetish on the table (I don't think any of the girls in the film wear shoes except for Zoe Bell) but all of the dialogue and build up is so worth it. I'm not going to spoil anything. But this film has one of the best car accident sequences in film history. Just when you're doubting the film....bam..."Fuck you"...at least thats the impression I got. Also his utilization of music is pretty unique and rockabilly and usual...it works so well...look out for Dave Dee, Dozy, Beaky, Mitch and Titch - HOLD ON classic song. classic sequence. The three stand outs for me in this picture:

1. Kurt Russel: Man, glad to see him doing fucked up shit in a movie again. He is excellent as Stuntman Mike. Not only is he a psychopath in the movie...he is willing to make himself look like a complete fool in the role and it's completely hilarious (The almost sneeze). Not many actors are willing to do that...and I appreciated it...

2. Zoe Bell Uma Thurman's stunt double on Kill Bill, playing herself. At first i didn't like her and she was awkward...but she grew on me and I found her completely charismatic and fucking insane.

3. Rosario Dawson The look on her face in the final car chase. Going from panic to sheer relief in a couple of seconds...says it all. She was solid in the role of ABERNATHY. She punctuates the film so nicely at the very very end...

Over all...DEATH PROOF has less in terms of horrific things...but they pack more of a punch and make a lasting impact on you. I fucking loved it. So much so that I saw it again yesterday.

Even Kristen liked it...I dragged her a long to the movie...thinking she would hate it (Hey, I watch her movies too...The Dixie Chicks documentary and so forth)...she ended up really liking it:

"first off, he's full of shit. he only watched the dixie chicks doc. and NOT so forth. I can't get him to watch anything of my choosing. And he didn't drag me along like some little rag doll, i have more gumption than that. BUT anyway, the movie was pretty entertaining. The theater had lots of leg room and i snuck in a bunch of snacks."

Okay, Kristen...We may not watch "movies" of your choice...but how many hours of the STYLE network have I had to suffer through? How many American Idols? How many Real World/Road Rule Challenges?... We don't even watch that many movies anyway...(We fight in print...funny)

and so on.

So, it disappoints me how shit like 300, a movie made in a warehouse in Montreal in front of a green screen with half naked british men, can do so well at the box office when you have something so geniunely fun and fucked up kind of going unnoticed.

So please. Go see GRINDHOUSE. Late at night, with friends and a drunk crowd...it has my endorsement...for what it's worth.

We haven't seen paparazzi as much as I thought we would. I should mention that John lived out here for 6 or so months a couple years ago while on his co-op. So he is used to all this shit. I, on the other hand, am a big loser. So when we finally did see paparazzi (actually 2 big paparazzi events on hollywood blvd) the other night, I got pretty excited.


This was the entourage premiere, and I snapped a pic as we we're driving by. I saw some famousish people,. but nobody I can remember the name of, so they're not that cool.



And in case you didn't know, I've been interviewing at some places.

The details are on prazzy, but at my last interview I saw Dr. Drew (loveline) outside on his cell phone.

Don't worry guys, it won't always be me (praz) updating. john is itching to get on here and write about cool stuff like the grindhouse and other things (I won't spoil it all now)

Love,
Kristen (& John too)