Log in

No account? Create an account

It's okay. The Vatican said so.

This just in, the Vatican said it is okay to believe in aliens and that it's not a contradiction with believing in god.

"The Rev. Jose Gabriel Funes, the Jesuit director of the Vatican Observatory, says that the vastness of the universe means it is possible there could be other forms of life outside Earth, even intelligent ones.

In an interview published Tuesday by Vatican newspaper L'Osservatore Romano, Funes says that such a notion "doesn't contradict our faith" because aliens would still be God's creatures.

The interview was headlined "The extraterrestrial is my brother." Funes said that ruling out the existence of aliens would be like "putting limits" on God's creative freedom."

Phew. Seriously, who would want to put limits on his creative freedom. Let him play with our lives with all of the cheat codes on.

So to recap:

Vatican okays: Molestation, Aliens, and the purchase of Palm.

Things they hate: Gays, Condoms, Taxes and Reason.

Fun Bucks.

Since I am fortunate enough to have a Social Security number ending in 00, I will be getting the first round of the stimulus package money.

Six hundred bucks of fun money from Uncle Sam...via China.

When I did a google image search of "six hundred dollars" this is what came up...

Gadgets, dogs, muslim dignataries and delicious burritos. Lot's of options. But the responsible part of me is saying to either save it or throw it towards some credit card debt.

I'm hearing conflicting advice...President Bush says to buy gas with the money or go on a trip....President Clinton says to blow the money.

Essentially saving it would be stupid, bad for the country (aka repaying the chinese), now its just a matter of how I choose to blow the money. The country collectively is going to be expected to go out and splurge on some products to make them forget how shitty things are (although it isnt as bad as people are making it out to be; this coming from 4-dollars-a-gallon-land.)

I really want to maxamize the opportunity. It's not often you are handed six hundred bucks and expected to piss it all away...and fast.

Any suggestions?

(sorry for the moronic version of an economics discussion)

Me and You and Everyone We Know

Hello, Kristen here. I haven't been posting on this thing lately, but I do have something to share. Amanda (i_am_tall) had suggested the movie Me and You and Everyone We Know, to us a while ago, but since she usually has such shitty taste (jk, but Elizabethtown? come on...) we kind of ignored her. Eventually, it came up in our netflix queue and we watched it.

This little kid, Brandon Ratcliff is genius. Here is a small dose of him in this movie. It is worth renting just for him! More clips on Youtube.

Subway and 2Pac.

You can find a lot out about a person by how they order from Subway. It is really disturbing to see the level of douche-bags with inferiority complexes who need their sandwich fixes. Every so often someone will make me so mad that i have to restrain myself from kicking them in the mouth. It's hard to pinpoint these types, as they usually come in all different shapes and sizes: mid-level business type, housewife whose insides have dried up, hipsters with a "hair-do" or a chinese entrepreneur with a loose grasp of manners and the english language.

Today I had the mid-level business type who pulls up in his pre-owned Lexus thinking he is the bee's knees. Cockily waits in line, shaking his head and looking around as to say "Can you believe they are making me wait? I'm a manager at Macy's" When it's his turn to order, this piece of work orders in one unbroken sentence like this....


(The way he said "Done!" was like something out of Top Gun. Gung ho bullshit)

The poor mexican behind the counter stared at him dumbfounded and proceeded to make the sandwich and occasionally asked him "Did you want cheese?" to which he would snap...

"Yes! Didn't you hear me the first time!?" while pacing with his arms folded and shaking his head in disbelief like he was listening to some shitty Grateful Dead song in his stupid fucking moosed head.

He paid for his gourmet work of art and left, as I watched his dumbass try to look busy and drive off in his predictably lame car I wished real hard that he would get fired from his Mid-Level job because his boss sees a mustard stain on his shirt from the sandwich and thinks its unprofessional. I then wished that he would go home and cry into a J.Crew catalogue and order $3,000 dollars worth of pleated khakis, hang up the phone, turn on the T.V. see Barack Obama speak and mutter to himself "Yes We Can...Yes We Can..." as he dejectedly walks into his bedroom to hang himself with a $75 dollar belt his uncle got him as a present for his Bar Mitzvah.

Fucking stupid people. Just be nice to the person making your sandwich. Have some patience, it goes a long way to be courteous to people...even if they are mexican and aren't making your bread and lunchmeat mess fast enough.


I was in Von's (which is a grocery store out here...about the same level as Acme) and I see a mexican guy, clearly an immigrant trying to act american and just missing the point...he was wearing a giant t-shirt with 2-Pac listening to an iPod....

First, 2-Pac died in 1996. About 5 years before the first iPod was invented.

Second, where can I buy such retarded t-shirts? Do they have one with Kurt Cobain chilling out with a MacBook surfing YouTube watching clips of himself? How about a Jimi Hendrix shirt of him drinking New Coke? A Bob Marley shirt with him jamming with Bono?

I really want a bootleg Simpsons t-shirt...like the kind you used to win on the board walk in the early 90's. Preferably a black Bart one.

Royale With Cheese

Lately when Kristen stops watching "John and Kate Plus 8" and "The Biggest Loser" (American AND Australian Versions) for 10 minutes I like to indulge in two of the greatest shows. Anthony Bourdain's "NO RESERVATIONS" and that other one whose name I don't remember that has Andrew Zimmern eating goat face. Both really compelling shows (for an old man living in a boring person's body...) that has the hosts doing bold things and eating exotic foods in far away places. It occurred to me though that if I were in a far away land, such as Morocco, this is not how I would be handling myself. I would be looking for a McDonald's. It would be great to get out of the cramped, smelly town square with the strange people squawking at me in their Clingon sounding language, I would so gladly embrace that big shining turd of Americana we know as McDonalds. They're leaving a whole market untapped, a market of shit-head American close-minded tourists such as myself and others from this great country of ours.

My show would be called "John Eats McDonald's Around the World" and would basically consist of me touring other exotic countries (beyond Canada) and seeing what their McDonald's are like. For instance, What are the McDonald's like in India? Vegetarian fare? I'm guessing there is no quarter pounder with cheese. What do they have in Muslim countries? What fucked spin do the Japanese put on the Happy Meal? Do the Dutch put mayonnaise on french fries?

And to top it off, I would have a Local with me, not to inform me of the natural wonders of their countries...but for me to tell them my hazy recollection of completely wrong bits of half assed information I know about their home land. No fact checking...no research...just some shit I heard in 7th grade Geography. Perhaps some inadvertently offensive things.

My main reason for wanting to do this is because it's so fucking stupid it might just work. It would play into the hands of the "obnoxious american" world view while at the same time letting me experience a regurgitated view of America via McDonald's in a third world country.

Dumbasses Part 12

Is there a new trend or something? Driving home today I noticed about 50+ cars with fucking wreaths tied to the front grill (and the occasional Menorah on top of a minivan). What the fuck? Do people think this is a good idea? At what point did this person walk into Target with their shitty wife (or husband), walk into the wreath aisle pick out a plastic circle of make-believe-dead-tree and say to themselves...

Moron: I'm going to fuckin' buy this

Spouse: We already have one, it's hanging on the front door.

Moron: No, for the car.

Spouse: For the car?

Moron: For the car.

And then that person had to go home, stand in the cold while they tied the monstrocity to their car. The next day they probably drove to work with dreams of random girls offering road-head because they had an awesome wreath on their car. (In those day dreams I'm going to assume they imagine themselves with more hair) Only to go home at night not realizing that the feeling of anger and shame kicking around in the back of their head has to do with the fact no one paid them any compliments (nor road-head) for their bold style choice. And when they are packing it up in a box in the garage come January 4th they will think to themselves..."next year"...

I don't mind the outward celebration of christmas...but...it needs to stop at house decorations, grandma sweaters with reindeer and insincere greeting cards. If the trend continues you will see and hear things like "Check out my christmas wreath contact lenses", christmas wreath condoms, wreath watches and on and on.

I'm home sick. So excuse me if this is all too stupid. I'm going to quit my job tomorrow. Merry Christmas.

Celebs Part 2

Thursday night we saw a free screening of There Will Be Blood.

Afterwards there was a panel and q&a with PTA and DDL. Judd Apatow moderated, which was weird in and of itself, but on top of that, he kept referring to his peanut gallery of friends in the audience (composed of Bill Hader, Seth Rogan, Jonah Hill... yes these guys actually hang out in real life). John and I are fans of these dudes, but it definitely felt weird with Apatow taking away a bunch of the attention. Daniel Day Lewis looked like he hated Apatow. Or that's the vibe John was getting. I was just getting annoyed at stupid questions from the various audience members... "how do you act?", "how do you write?" what the fuck?

Philip Baker Hall was there as well. Throw in Leslie Mann (Apatow's wifey and actress) and I think that totals eight celebs in one event. Are they legitimate enough to brag about?

I didn't put any pictures in this post because I figured these people are relevant enough for most of our friends.


Celeb Central!

Well, we haven't posted in a very long time, but now we have an excuse. It's been Celeb-central in Hollywood lately, especially at the ArcLight theater.

We saw the following celebs at the ArcLight last Saturday when we saw "No Country For Old Men" (See it!):

Scott Caan

Kirsten Dunst

Jason Schwartzman

Dominic Monaghan

Then last night we were at the ArcLight again for a screening of "Walk Hard" and we saw Matt Groening!

On the Silverlake front, I saw Susan May Pratt (fans of the dance flick "Center Stage" may recall:

and in our very own building resides Josh Gomez, sidekick character Morgan (right) on NBC's "Chuck":

We'll keep you updated!


Waiting for Harry Potter tickets

I have been given off for the last three days because my office place is so dead. So during the day I have been running little bullshit errands so I don't end up feeling pathetic.

After going to the mechanic to deal with Kristen's car, I walked over to the Vista to get us some Harry Potter tickets.

Kristen is a big fan. I'm what you call a shitty fan. I have seen like 3 of the 4 movies...and I think reverse order too...so I have a very basic grip on the storylines and the terminology. That being said. I do enjoy the films. Very enthralling stuff.

I get to the Vista and there is a modest line of Kids with their parents on a hot summer day. I'm kind of sweaty from my mile or so walk and I'm nursing a Dr. Pepper. Then I hear this nasally voice coming closer...the nasally voice a child could only have. Then there was this kids father's voice...sounding even more nasally and whining about wearing sunscreen and waiting in line.

What happened for the next half an hour was a master course in how to spoil a Harry Potter film. Loudly they proclaimed....he dies....this happens...I cried when so and so died....when this happens you can't see it coming!!....

Internally I wanted to kick and punch the little group of shits for ruining the whole movie for me. It was so obnoxious I thought it could'nt get any worse. Then the pansy father proclaims for his invalid son to go check the front of the line for "movement"

When this kid passed me...he was the proud owner of a shaved head with a BRAIDED RAT TAIL.

"Oh you shaolin-monk-movie-spoiling-motherfucker" I thought.

And as he got back in line he bumped into me without saying sorry or anything. At that point my blood was boiling. I was afraid to turn around and look at what other monstrocity stood behind me for fear of losing it as they proceeded to spoil the next book and feverishly discuss who is going to die in the final book*. (What is it with people wanting characters to die so bad? Do they read these things just to see characters die?)

Then the dad gets all huffy puffy and starts stomping his feet and he tells his kids he is going to check the front of the line. What I saw almost made me throw up in my mouth...

He was wearing a tie-died shirt with a dragon on it, wearing a fanny pack, sandals with socks...and to top off with a big turd...he was bald with a grey pathetic pony tail.

How I did not take the firehose off the wall and blast him down the street is a miracle to me and a true testament to my fear of being arrested.

Then he struts back and starts impressing the little wizard snobs by telling him that he was a professor at CSUN. Then suddenly it all made sense.

People like him, are the reason why colleges are the breeding ground of such wishful thinking stupidity. People are paying thousands of dollars so a guy in a dragon shirt** with a pony tail can "teach them"

After I bought my tickets, I stuck around to watch them happily bounce into the theatre and start throwing harry potter slang at one another. And thats when I kind of felt sorry for them. I no longer wished them instant death.

Just some skin cancer that was caused from standing in line today...that will go undetected for a couple of years...until the next Harry Potter movie...so I can meet them in line...all bald and dying. No pony tails. No smug banter. And as they weakly wheel out of the movie all satisfied...I'll be standing there with a firehose. Waiting to blast them into the gutter. Doing the gene pool a favor.

Tonight, though, as I sit through the movie, pretending to be surprised when "such and such" happens and "so and so" dies. I'll bee imagning their pony tails bobbing up and down as they laugh and eat popcorn.

What I wouldn't give to yank that shit off their scalps.

*The father kept talking about Alan Rickman, Alan Rickman, Alan Rickman...his hopes lie in this man so much. It was fairly obvious that he will go home tonight and have a dream about sitting nude on Alan Rickman's lap and running his ringers through his hair while weeping "Snape, I love you, Snape".

**the irony lays in the fact I went to a college with a Dragon as it's mascot.

Jul. 7th, 2007

I haven't written in a while...

John and I work at our jobs during the week, but on the weekends we do what every other Californian does - shop and eat PinkBerry!
Oh, and I also take pictures.

This is an iPod vending machine we came across in a Macy's. What the hell? It's like a $300 Snickers bar!

BTW, Nick and Praz will begin recording their next album this week when the two are reunited after more than three months on their own!